you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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