True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
