I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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