I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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