If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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