i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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