Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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