also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
