I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Quick, to the slutcave!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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