cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
