Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Someone signed my nipple.
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