You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
