dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
