how can u be prego again
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
