She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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