i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
