The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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