She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My liver is preforming stress tests.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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