my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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