the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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