we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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