my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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