Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize