i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize