we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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