he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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