My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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