when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
