she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
bring money and cleavage
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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