She went from zero to smokin in five shots
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
