I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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