Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
