Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm too high and old for this...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
