Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
