I just saw a hot homeless man
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we're making bets on your personal life
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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