I got chris browned last night
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
