I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
