do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you never un-have a 4some
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
