If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Bang-toberfest begins!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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