when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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