non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
