Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
