Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize