he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We were destined to go to rehab together
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
