does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
