this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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