ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize