dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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