i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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