that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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