she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
