alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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