mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
