How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
