I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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