he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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