who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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