i think my mom watched the whole time
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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