What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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