Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
