Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
