can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I AM VODKA MAN
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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