i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
that is very illegal...i love you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
