It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
