dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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