12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
