sarcasm needs its own font
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
