Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i came on her dog
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
