Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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